To Leave and to Cleave..

I've been off commission from writing for about a week now and I have important reasons: We are in the process of bringing my mother to live with us all the way from Colombia, South America. This process has not been without obstacles, between documents that need to be resubmitted to Express mail that needs to be delivered the road has been anything but smooth. But we are convinced that it's God's time for this to happen and it will come to pass when He wants it.

In the meantime, the wait is long and full of impatience, I can't stop daydreaming of what is ahead. For eleven years now, I have lived away from my mother, raising my family, giving birth to my children all without her, I guess that when I pledged to leave and to cleave on my wedding day, God took me upon it and send me on this journey of life with my new family, stripping me off every possible hint of dependency.

You see, growing up I was the oldest of my siblings, I was the child that was always very attached to mom; I used to sleep in my mom's bed (when I could) all the way to high school, we would have this long conversations and laugh till we dropped, I use to comply with her wishes better than my sisters did and she was so loving to us I never imagine to live away from her ever in a hundred years. Then I met my husband who lived in the states, we married and moved here.

The first year was really hard for me, but I adapted, however the absence of mom was always a sad reminder of what was left behind. Not being able to share the happiest moments of my life with her was unbearable to me, many times I questioned the reasoning behind our separation and it wasn't until many years later that it came to me that God had a purpose for it all.

I needed to be on my own, I needed to experience life for myself and taste my own tears. Mom is a born servant, she would have taken over my duties in an instant, she would have probably helped me in every way she could and I would not have developed the tough skin of motherhood that I was able to acquire without her presence. I would have continued to be a child, I would not be the woman that I am today.

I believe though, that this is the time God has selected for us to be reunited, for her to enjoy her six grandchildren. As I anticipate her coming here, many memories come to my mind, how she as a single mom was an example of courage, hard work and service to others for my sisters and I. My favorite memory is the fact that my mother always believed in me, she encouraged me to reach the sky, I never heard a negative remark or criticism from her, she gave me wings to fly, she delighted in me and I knew it. I guess that's what good mothers do. I'll be pleased if I could be half the woman she is... a true warrior.

Fear Not

This week's session in my bible study was very personal to me, it touched the core of my being because it unveiled my enemy number one. Fear can be one of the most paralyzing, clenching, gripping and suffocating emotions you can ever experience; fear, when given reign, dominates your way of living, the things you think , say and decide to do.

It will take you to places where you feel abandoned, suspended, immobilized like a cork in a whirlpool, with no where to go or hide. It will not let you enjoy today but loom over you to dread tomorrow. It will take over every area of your life like a virus, like a weed, growing without control, spreading its infectious branches and choking up every shred of hope.

Fear will be fed and fueled by doubt,hopelessness, unbelief and will birth a sense of despair where once lived safety and comfort. To walk in fear will impare your judgement of the future, reality and everything that is factual and true will blur to the point of becoming all you can see. Fear is also a magnet that attracts every negative emotion around you.

Fear is to some, enemy number one, it lurks in the darkness of our souls where no one can see, in the hidden parts where we don't allow anyone. To others, it becomes a faithful companion that puts a sour taste on everything that resembles joy and happiness. We all fall captive, we are all victims at some point or another, fear takes no prisoners. It makes you a coward. It renders you helpless and incapable to act in defense of yourself or those around you. It leads you to selfishness , seeking self preservation at all cost. It turns you into a person that you don't even recognize. We are so many times reminded not to fear in Scripture and yet so many times we are deaf to that voice and let the noise of our "what ifs " silence it. Worst case scenarios become the only scenario.

I want to live free of the impending fear of death, illness, loss of a loved one, tragedy, disappointment, betrayal... Imagine a life without fear! I think the most damaging effect of fear is that it leaves you dangling on the thread of uncertainty and doubt , saying that God in heaven is NOT sovereign and is NOT in control of your life.

In my journey to overcome fear , I don't consider I have arrived, but I'm on my way there , I'm not fear free at the moment , however, I'm seeing my enemy for what it is, I don't deny it anymore and I'm getting ready to face it, grabbing the courage that's being offered. I want to only fear the Lord and never be just afraid.

God is always there to save us when we fall prey to fear and give us the victory to live in freedom.

I want to encourage you to watch this video by Beth Moore on the Esther: "It's tough being a woman "Bible Study that my friend Jasmine is moderating on her blog. It opened my eyes and shed so much light on this subject. She explains it better than I could ever do.

Here's the link : http://jasminecucuta.blogspot.com

"To look at the face of fear head on and not retreat requires courage, a courage that is not found in our own human strength but is offered" - Beth Moore

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine..."

Isaiah 43 :1-3

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love cast out fear...The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18